Wow. I can't believe it's the last day of May. This month has gone by so fast. I've learned a lot this past month, and I feel really ready to keep moving forward. Every day, I think I get a little bit closer to making some good decisions, and it gets a little easier to do every time.

I'm going to set a goal for myself. By July 1, I will weigh 255 pounds or less. That's about 15 pounds (including water weight) so I think it's doable. I'm also going to try to lose a total of 5 inches.

Did you know meat digests by decomposing - yes, you heard me right, decomposing - in your stomach? Gross!

I finished reading Dr. Phil's book yesterday. He doesn't really share any new information, but what he does share is solid and makes sense. I think it would be helpful for someone who has a lot of behavioral eating issues (e.g., eats when stressed, eats because family is eating, etc.). I think the other information on nutrition and exercise is a little too brief to help you make major changes to your life.

I'm excited about starting the week off right. Eating right isn't really so hard. It's just that eating wrong is so much easier. I read that Warren Buffett was asked for his best piece of advice. He said that if you were told you were going to be given one car, and that was the only car you'd have for the rest of your life, you'd take such good care of it. Yet people destroy their bodies and treat them with no respect, myself included. So I'm going to start doing some basic things to help myself.

I've made some changes to the stats page.

I expected to gain weight today. I knew it would happen. Once a month, like clockwork, I gain weight. But I know it's just water weight, so I don't worry about it too much. This week, I gained 5 pounds. But next week, I predict it will drop again. I've had a rough couple of weeks with my eating, but not enough to gain 6 pounds total. I think that the gain from last week was my weight stabilizing after being sick, and this week is mostly water retention. I'm not going to let it discourage me. I'm just going to look ahead to next week.

One thing that is encouraging: I've lost 6 inches this month! So I know I've been doing something right, even if the scale isn't showing much of a change. Even if I'm going slow, I'm going in the right direction.

I'm going to finish reading Dr. Phil's book today. I might post an update later today. I might rework my weight goal and some of my stats. Stay tuned! For everyone out there who's reading this, hang in there!! Know that there's someone out there who knows exactly what you're going through.

I can feel my cravings starting to ebb a little. I didn't go as overboard tonight as I have in the past. When I went to the grocery store, I resisted the urge to buy a bag of chips. I'm looking forward to the three day weekend to relax, clean, read, do some exercise, and generally get back on track.

I'm thinking about doing Weight Watchers, but I'm hesitant to go back to a system that limits what I eat, because it makes me feel trapped, and I end up wanting more. Any thoughts?

I checked out Dr. Phil's book at the library this week. I have to go on the record. I hate Dr. Phil. Every time I ever saw him on Oprah, he bugged me so much I turned the channel. But I can't hear his voice or attitude when reading his book, so it's a possibility that I'll be able to stomach it. No pun intended. I glanced through it before I checked it out, and it looks like it has potential. Plus, he has a self-reported high success rate. I'll try anything once. I'll read it this weekend and give you a report. Would reviews of different diet books and plans be helpful as a feature here?

I can't wait for this weekend. I'm finally going to have a chance to slow down and relax.

My weight has always fluctuated, as have my cravings. Does this happen to anyone else? A couple of weeks per month, it's so easy to eat healthy and stay motivated. The other two weeks, I'm ravenous and want to eat everything. So I'll lose about 10 pounds, then gain it all back. Plus then I get depressed and gain an extra couple on top of that.

I'm hoping this journal will also help in that I'll start to recognize the patterns so I can get through them. I'm sure there's some strong hormonal connection to all this. I'd appreciate any suggestions on readings, articles or books on the topic.

If you're looking for a healthier chip alternative, try Natural Ruffles. They're still fattening, like all chips, but they're made with potatoes, oil and sea salt. 15 chips has 140 calories, 7 grams of fat, and 1/2 gram of saturated fat. They taste great!

Thanks to everyone who's been leaving comments - it's great to see! There's a new weight loss journal on the links page. Welcome, Sara!

So I gained a pound. My theory is that this is just my weight stabilizing after getting sick. I hope it's true.

My cravings the past few days have been horrible. Back to bad night eating patterns. Working too hard. Bad food choices.

Trying to stay positive.

It's been a really hard couple of days. I'm still not feeling well, and I'm so mad at my body for still being sick. I'm doing all I can to take care of myself, and it's so frustrating. I just want to be well again.

Today, some old friends from high school came to visit. Days like this, it's so hard to be obese. I wish I were even just a little overweight. One of them brought her videocamera, and it was so hard to smile and let her film me. We spent all day outside, and I got so hot. I wish I could wear shorts and tank tops like they did. I want to have a beautiful daughter like my friend does. I feel so empty. So what did I do? I came home and stuffed myself with chips. My weight's also gone up the past few days, even though I've been eating really well (aside from the chips). But I know this is a pattern. The week before my time of the month, I always gain weight and start craving junk. So I just need to get through this time and hang in there, even though the scale is going to go up tomorrow.

I'm so down. Plus I've been working too hard, and need more time off, which I can't really take right now. I just want to scream.

I feel like I'm going to be fat forever.

Today, I went to the library. The shelf containing the diet books has grown substantially in the past few years. It seems like everyone has a diet or fitness book - Broadway stars, old TV sitcom queens, talk show hosts, doctors.. there's even a diet book written by someone's grandmother. To me, the most effective diet book would be written by a group of women or men who've lost a large amount of weight and kept it off. Personally, I think there's a big difference between losing 20 pounds and losing 100. Or 300. Would you agree?

If you can't tell, I'm a little bitter today.

Dietblog reports that yo-yo dieting may not be as bad as previously thought. I certainly hope so! Because almost every overweight person I know has lost and then regained weight at some point.

I don't think I've been eating enough. I increased my calories today and I started feeling a lot better. I think I need to make my changes a little more slowly.

How is everyone else doing with their weight loss? Add your weight loss journal to my website by visiting my links section.

Yesterday good, today bad.

I was so exhausted all day. This morning, the women at work brought in some wonderful Mexican food for breakfast. Wonderful tortillas, but I do tend to overdo it with them, and today was no exception. Then, at lunch, I started getting lightheaded and felt really bad. For a while, I thought I was going to pass out. I'm not sure if I was dehydrated, or if I have an ear infection, or what's going on. I started to feel better after a while, but I'm going to go to the doctor in the morning if I still feel bad when I wake up.

I stayed on track the rest of the day, though I ate a few tortillas too many! But, I just have to say, okay that's one day. The most I could have gained from those tortillas is one pound. And then get back on track for tomorrow. So I will!

Things are going great. Today, I wore an outfit that I probably won't be able to wear much longer because the pants are getting too baggy on me. I'm also starting to get compliments from people at work. I just need to keep it up!

I made very good choices at lunch yesterday. I had the Waldorf Chicken Salad at CPK, like I planned. I even forgot to eat dinner! That hasn't happened since I can remember. When I realized I hadn't eaten, I went into the kitchen to figure out what I could eat that would be reasonable, since it was so late. I had a bowl of cereal, Kashi Strawberry Fields, which seemed like a good choice.

Here's what I had to eat today. I won't normally go into detail on my meals, since they're probably not exciting for anyone else, but today really worked for me, and is pretty typical of how I'm trying to eat:

• Breakfast: Brown Cow low-fat strawberry yogurt (running late for work), which is incredibly creamy and delicious, plus no HFCS like Yoplait
• Lunch: Shrimp & avocado sushi (8 pieces) and a mixed green salad, with some balsamic vinaigrette and olive oil
• After-work snack: One slice Right Choice bread with about a teaspoon of peanut butter and a 1/4 cup grape tomatoes and fresh mozzarella sprinkled with basil
• Dinner: Roasted garlic couscous with some grilled chicken breast and steamed broccoli
• After-dinner snack: One ounce of Scharffen Berger dark chocolate, the most delicious chocolate in the world. You don't need a whole lot to satisfy your chocolate cravings, because it's so rich and amazing!

Another victory - I exercised! I had heard really good things about the WalkAerobics tapes, so I checked one out of the library and it's pretty good. However, the tape was 15 years old, so I worry about the safety of some of the moves. There are newer tapes out, so I'm going to try those. But I did it! I built in a day of exercise! I'm going to start out with a little and build up, so I don't try to do too much too soon.

Thanks to those of you who have posted comments. It really helps keep me motivated!

1 pound lost! That may not sound like a big deal, but I thought I'd end up gaining weight! I've been sick, and so I figured the 10 pound loss from last week would be disappearing, after I started eating regularly again. But I think it all evened out, and now I'm hopefully back on a regular slow loss pattern.

I'm going out with a friend for lunch, so this will be the first test of eating out. I have to figure out where I want to go so I can make plans for what I'll order. CPK has a wonderful Waldorf Chicken Salad that's great without the dressing.. maybe I'll go there.

I've added some new links and my current plan for weight loss to the site. Check them out! And please, leave comments!!

What a beautiful day! Today is one of those days that I am so thankful to live in California.

Speaking of California, I've been meaning to write about how hard it is to be overweight in this state. Southern California in particular is the land of the beautiful people. Everyone walks around as if they belong in a Coppertone ad. Thin, tan, beautiful. It's very difficult to find someone who is overweight, and when you do, you exchange a familiar smile. It's as if you're automatically a part of some secret fraternity that you know you both belong to. It's even more difficult to find clothes to wear. My local mall carries no - NO - women's size clothes. I can't find anything over a size 16 in the local Macy's. I have to drive to another department store about 30 minutes away and go to the third floor before I can find anything that will fit me. I think that will be one of the best parts about losing weight. Being able to go shopping at the Gap or Talbots and finding something that will fit me.

When I travel, it's always amazing that I will go out and see more people that look like me. And I'll go into a mall, and they'll have specialty women's stores that I wasn't even aware existed. Is this a bad trend for the country? Yes, I know it is. I know it's a problem that our country is becoming more obese. And I'm doing my part to lose weight. But in the meantime, people like me need something to cover our bodies!!

Friday the 13th! But it wasn't such a scary day after all..

Today I was at the cafeteria at work. They were serving chicken nuggets. Nothing else looked very good. But those chicken nuggets looked great. Yummy little fried pieces of chicken. Of course, I didn't get them. I just figured, do I want this enough to be fat? And the answer was no. I'm sure there will be other days where it'll be a lot harder, but it was pretty easy today. One reason is because a pair of pants is feeling loose on me that has never felt loose before. And someone told me I had lost weight. For the first time, I feel like this is possible. And I think doing this journal is a big part of it. It's been so motivating.

I think the eating is going pretty well, so I'm going to start working in some exercise over the next week. Things are looking up!

An apology is in order. I do my site on a Mac, and I saw it on PC for the first time today. It looked awful! I had some HTML coding wrong, which I have now corrected. If you ever have any suggestions, please let me know!

I watched some interesting TV today:

1. Oprah had a good Q & A show on about her boot camp program. I always love watching Oprah. She shared her snack ideas (no fat, no calorie fudge bars, 1/2 apple with thin cheese slices and a few almonds) and they talked a lot about water weight. I haven't been exercising so far, so I know a lot of my weight loss is water weight. But I'm trying to focus mostly on my eating right now, and then I'll build in the exercise. Does anyone have experience with that? Does that make sense, or are you better off starting everything all at once?
2. UCTV, which is only available in limited areas of California, aired a program from UCSF on stress and obesity. It was fascinating. It talked about how cortisol released by stress causes your body to retain weight at your midsection, thus creating more of an apple shape as opposed to a pear shape. This midsection weight is what leads to heart disease. Even anorexics carry most of what little fat they do have in their midsection, due to extremely high cortisol levels, caused by the stress their bodies are under.

Uhoh.. I got too hungry today. First, I didn't have enough for breakfast. Just half a yogurt. At lunch, I only had half my sandwich because I wasn't that hungry. But then, at dinner, I started getting that ravenous feeling. Need to remember - don't forget to eat!! I was really hungry in the afternoon, but didn't stop to get a snack.

I'm starting to get that thinner body feeling. You know when you can just tell, you're a little smaller? That feeling is so motivating.

I found a really great bread - it's called Right Choice wheat bread. Each slice has 44 calories, no fat, 2 g of fiber and 4 g of protein. The best part is that the bread actually tastes great. It's very soft, not a cardboard imitation like most low carb breads. I buy it at Whole Foods Market. Whole Foods is a really great store. Their produce can be expensive if you choose to buy organic. But they do sell some excellent conventionally grown products that are well priced. Products from their store brand ("365") are very reasonable, and I feel like I'm always buying quality foods there. Due to their focus on organic foods, you'll find that most items they sell have no preservatives, corn syrup, and other bad stuff.

High fructose corn syrup (HFCS). For a while, I was so hyped up about the dangers of HFCS that I wanted to write my own book! I started reading up on HFCS in the American diet, and there is a not-so-surprising correlation between the introduction of HFCS into the U.S. agricultural and food industry and the rise in obesity rates. In most European countries, where HFCS is banned since it is genetically engineered, obesity rates are low. There is a growing trend among nutrition experts to encourage people not to eat products containing HFCS. Ironically, use of HFCS is encouraged in the diabetic population, since it doesn't cause a spike in insulin levels. I can only speak for myself - ever since I stopped eating products that contain HFCS, I do not have the cravings that I used to. If you have a problem with bingeing, or late night cravings, try giving up HFCS and see how you feel. You'll be shocked at the number of products that contain HFCS. It's really overwhelming.

Judge for yourself: read some pros and cons of the anti-HFCS debate. Please note that the cons are presented by the Corn Refiners Association, a group that spent $620K in 2000 (Source: OpenSecrets.org) lobbying Washington.

10 pounds lost this week - but I'm realistic, and it's hard for me to get too excited. I know it's mostly water weight, especially because I've been sick, haven't been eating a lot, and I've been taking decongestants all week. I'm just hoping I don't gain a lot back this next week. I'm just going to do my best, and be healthy this week, and if I gain or lose, at least I'm getting back on the right track. But 10 pounds lost sure does sound nice!

I found an interesting article on whether or not you should exercise if you're sick.

One of my big problems has always been eating too many carbs, and not enough protein. I've found that eggs have really helped me with this. I cook some hard boiled eggs to always have on hand, and I scramble egg whites for breakfast. I usually throw the yolk away, though I will eat one occasionally. As an added bonus, eggs are inexpensive. Here is a great article from GourmetSleuth.com that talks all about egg whites - including nutrition info. An egg white has 17 calories, 3.5 grams of protein, 0.5 grams of carbs and 55 mg of sodium. All in all, not too shabby!

Last night, I was looking at some old pictures of myself back when I was thin. I remember trying to sit a certain way on the stool in chem lab so that there wouldn't be any ripples showing on my thighs. Now, I have to laugh. I would be so thankful for that old body! It's funny to think about how skewed your perspective can be about yourself.

I'm sure I'll have lost weight when I weigh in tomorrow. But I'm equally sure it will be mostly water weight that I'll gain back next week, since I was just sick. Should you exercise when you're sick?

125 pounds is such a huge amount to use, and I know it will take at least a year to do it right. So I'm going to set myself some smaller goals, too. My first one will be 10% - 27.5 pounds. And I'll give myself three months, so there's no pressure (that's about 2 pounds a week). So as of August 1, I will weigh 247.5.

I've been thinking about going back to Weight Watchers. I've been hearing good things about the new flex points plan. I think I'm going to try my own system for now, and see if it works. If it hasn't worked by June 1, then I'll find a new plan.

I was originally going to start this blog on May 3, but I came down with a monster cold. I've completely lost my voice, but I'm starting to feel a little better.

Every time I start trying to eat healthier, I get sick. Every single time! It's so frustrating. There is a major connection between diet and your immune system. So I'm sure when I make major changes in my diet, it's inevitable that I open a wide door for all the germs floating out there. But it certainly kills a lot of motivation when it happens.

I just finished reading 6 Day Body Makeover by Michael Thurmond. It seems a lot like the South Beach diet, but it makes some sense. Another journaler followed it and lost a lot.

I have three favorite weight loss books:

• Thin for Life: I found this book extremely inspirational. It makes you feel that even if you've tried everything to lose weight, you shouldn't give up. It examines "success stories" from the National Weight Loss Registry. Everyone lost weight (and kept it off) using the best system for them. But it looks for patterns of success, so that you can follow it, too. I think that this book is probably the best weight loss book I've ever read.
• Eating for Life: I hate to cook. Hate. To. Cook. But the recipes in this book are so simple, I decided to go ahead and give them a try. And they're DELICIOUS. Plus very healthy! They even have pictures of all of the ingredients, which I love. My favorite is the Balsamic Salmon Salad (p. 111).
• 8 Minutes in the Morning for Real Shapes, Real Sizes: Jorge Cruise teaches you to follow some basic principles, and they really work! "8 minutes" sounds like a gimmick, but it's really a sound philosophy. Some weight training, combined with small, balanced, frequent meals will help boost your metabolism. Of all of the weight loss plan books I've bought, it's the best, and I lost weight pretty quickly with it. I'm going to continue to use the principles as I lose weight.